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| "In the last year, I've gotten everything I want, and I'm still miserable" © Orny Adams Its been a year since I broke up with Gemima, today. Probably about the same time too, weird. I went from wanting to be single, to wanting her back, to chilling with her and being single together, to not being friends, to missing her terribly, to gradually talking to her again. What i've learned thru all this is that i want what i dont have. If i was with g, i know i would b happier but there would b this nagging sense of whats out there. I know i need this miserable, lonely time, and the option 2 fuck randomly, to be happy later on. But im getting a good sense of whats out there. I know how i feel about g, and what I want but its not the right time. I graduated and now im unemployed. I have no clue what I want 2 do with my life. Actually, no, i have somewhat of an idea. I want to produce video content. Nothing out of this world, just work steadily behind the scenes. Not tryna be Jerry Brucheiheimer (sp) but just do something local that will help pay the bills and hit up the strip club every once in a while. Right now though, im just getting my feet wet and the area is kinda dead right now. But i love md, i dont want to leave. I have a plan for all this, I'm sorta on the track right now. | | |
| I find it funny that i relieve emotional fuck the world/woman problem stress to joe budden/kanye west/music that gets me hype. Like most ppl listen to music that relates to the situation. I dont, I listen to music i can scream the lyrics to and its more of a stress reliever than address than actual problem. Just found that interesting | | |
| FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!! | | |
| Its been a crazy couple weeks in my head, very emotional. I've had a lot of women, money, career decision shit on my mind lately and I haven't been my usual, bubbly, care free self. But amist all that, i know there are some blessings to be counted in there. 1) My family- still love me and support. Nothing beats coming home and having Melissa scream "FERNANDO" and jump full speed into a hug. The love and warmth of my mother is always enough to keep me going. Plus, they throw a great mid afternoon bbq. 2) Working- I have my pinky in the door of the movie industry and have been getting some complaints from people in position to hire me. If i do want to go down this path for a year, I am making some good connections 3) Health- I know i need a physical and my teeth and gums are probably a mess, but everything works like its suppose to. I can walk, talk, listen, feel and reach for shit. Cant ask for 2 much more than that. 4) Im pretty nice- Sarcastic. Selfish. Joke way to much. Yes, but when it comes down to it, im a push over and look out for those around. I finish last, but people look back and go, hey, that guys aight. 5) Education- I've graduated, dont have to worry about classes or homework ever again. Im young and educated and in a land with some opportunities. I'll be ok 6) Transportation- The car is still running 7)Productive- Though many of my film ideas aren't off the ground, I finally got my blog up and running. My friends seem to really embrace the idea and everyone is contributing. 8) Friends- I have great friends, who are always there for me, even when they bug the shit outta me. They're always willing 2 listen, evern when i dont want to talk. And they laugh at my corny jokes. I was born in the area of Aids, in a poor, 3rd World country in the caribbean, to two pretty poor families. At 23, I'm college educated, don't have a criminal record, have my health and the world at my feet. "Life goes by pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." Ferris Bueller | | |
| The idea for this blog has gone through more changes, revisions and delays than the last Indiana Jones movie. I have been toying with an idea about fatherhood that has been totally replaced (but be sure, it will be the fourth installment).
Instead, I've been working on this theory lately, which I'm not sure if this is the culmination or just the first seed that is planted. Over the last 2 years, I know of at least 4 examples of guys breaking up with serious long term girlfriends right around their last year in college. Now by the title of the article you would think I was going to chastize this young man, telling them to man up and stop being bitches.
Well in all honest, I don't fully understand what the word means, i don't know where it was first introduced into the popular venacular. Instead, I'm putting my own meaning behind the word (and hoping this blog spreads like wildfire, change the meaning of the word complete en route to TAKING OVER THE WORLD!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH). Both times I've heard the word used it was in reference to guys breaking of long term relationships for very vague reasons within a year or 2 of graduating college; and that is what bitchassness means to me.
Now being that I am one of these guys, I'm embracing the term. I am full of bitchassness, ill play that role, ill stracth that itch © Phonte.
So the theory is that with the end of college looming over them, the presumed last little bit of freedom they will have before "The Real World" they have been hearing about since the womb fleeting, they start looking at their dating situation. Start to realize all the potential randomness of their youth that they have given up to be with this one person. See where this potential relationship they have now might end with a ring and a mortgage. So they do something that seems logic, but is emotionally irresponsible, they break it off.
Awwwww, the freedom of being single. Now some of these guys know they have given up a good thing, some genuinely haven't been interested in the relationship for a while. Either way, its the step toward freedom that they want. To see what else is out there, to test those murky waters.
The problem is most of these guys aren't date around type of guys. They wouldnt know what 2 do with a one night stand if it was staring them in the face (hey, she was engaged, i couldn't do it). But ever since Zach Morris called up some hot chick that wasn't Kelly on that HUGE celli, we've wanted to be that guy. But we're not that guy (well some are and handle it pretty well). So we try to keep in contact with the other person and O shit, she has a life 2 now. Funny how that works out.
The point is, this step is necessary. Painful, heart and gut wretching as it is, that time apart is needed. And, seems like guys are the ones 2 pull that trigger. So once you dry your eyes, take a minute to look at the newfound opportunities opened up by bitchassness
(I'm almost certain this shit sounds a lot more sexist than I intended it to be.)
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